Happy Mother’s Day! Or not! Because both are fine!
I mostly heard these statements of denial from my mother as I was growing up. I figured those who told me such things, really didn’t know “me” as an individual. Kind of thinned the herd of who I’d consider a close friend or not.
Now that I’m 41 and surgically made it impossible for myself to have children, I think my mom finally believes me.
I look in the mirror everymorning. I see what’s not meant to be there and it discusts me. People see the person who isn’t me. My disphoria kicks in everyday and everything is a constant reminder of my gender identity. You think you’re fat..? you know what, you can do something about that and you take your gender identity for granted. being trans is pain and hurt, not just physically from operations and binders but more emotionally knowing you’re never going to be happy with yourself because you’re trapped in the wrong body. And then people laugh and joke when you’re forced to wear a dress becauase my mother doesn’t want to be embarrased of me. ”aww you look like such a girl!!” Yes. I know I do, that’s the problem and then the dysphoria is joined with depression with thoughts of death. The thoughts that I wish I was never born in the first place because nature has just played a cruel joke on me. There are no answers, no reasons why, just judement. Yeah, I want to be a father, a genetic father but that cannot happen. I can never be a parent.Can never fulfil expectations. Someone just.. help. I’ve just fallen so low and see no way of getting up.
About me
I'm just me really, FTM trans guy. I have a lot of theorys on the world, and they get crazier everyday, but then again so does life if you think about it.
